I borrowed the phrase “be a good animal” from John Carlton. This pretty much sums up what he means:

Eat better (and less often), treat sleep as a sacred necessity for advanced living, get your butt into the gym or onto the tennis court (or just on a trail), allow for quality “ponder” time (or uninterrupted meditation), and plan (and enjoy) life with gusto.

Why is this important to your inner game? Because your level of health and wellness has a tremendous effect on your mood and thoughts.

At a very basic level, we’re all primates. There’s more to us than that obviously, but if we forget that fact, we can create a lot of problems for ourselves. While the human body is resilient, if you ignore or violate basic human needs for an extended period of time, it’s inevitable that our mental, physical and emotional machinery will break down or malfunction.

This all became very clear to me after I moved out of the house I owned with my ex-wife and started getting my life back together. Prior to that, I was doing everything wrong: staying up late, getting up early, drinking coffee all day for energy, alcohol at night to wind down, eating junk food, not getting any exercise and spending most of my time watching Netflix or porn.

The result? I was depressed and miserable almost all the time.

After about a week of getting a decent amount of sleep, I started feeling better. This led me to start exercising again and eating better as well. After a few weeks, I even went out by myself to play open mic night at a bar which is something I had talked about doing for about two years. I also got an email address from a cute hostess at a restaurant who I’d been checking out for months but didn’t have the guts to approach.

The change in how I felt about myself and life was very dramatic.

Last week I had to pull an all nighter to get some work done, and the lack of sleep sent me spiraling right back to where I was before – I was all depressed and whining about how I suck at this pick up thing, and why can’t I make myself do it, etc. After I got caught up on sleep and got some sunshine and exercise, I was back to normal. It will probably take awhile for me to develop resilience so getting off track won’t screw me up as much, but the message was clear:

Be a good animal first, then work on any remaining inner game issues.

Based on my experience, I’d recommend putting them in this order:

1. Sleep
2. Diet
3. Exercise
4. Margin (“ponder time”)
5. Play

Get Sufficient and Quality Sleep

You’re body goes into maintenance mode while you sleep, so if you don’t get enough, you’re shortchanging your natural repair process. It also destroys the little willpower you have which means you won’t be able to overcome obstacles like approach anxiety. Like Vince Lombardi said “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.”

Aim for 7 – 8 hours per night, and don’t drink alcohol within a few hours of going to sleep. I’d also stop the caffeine at least six hours before bedtime, but it’s probably safer cut yourself off at noon.

Turn off the TV and computer about an hour before bedtime. It’s so easy to keep yourself up later than you wanted to if you don’t unplug. I can’t count the number of times I stayed up an extra couple of hours with pointless web browsing or getting caught up in a show I really don’t care about.

A good way to tell if you’re getting enough sleep is to wake up occasionally without an alarm. If you sleep for a long time, that is a good sign that you are probably sleep deprived.

Clean up your Diet

Food can have both short term and long term effects on your health and mood.

Short term, the wrong food can make you tired and lethargic which immediately reduces your effectiveness with anything you need or wanted to do afterward. They’ve also done studies that link diet changes to improvements and deterioration in the behavior of children. It would make sense that diet influences our behavior too.

Long term, the wrong foods leads to weight gain and illness. How successful do you think fat, sick guys are with the ladies? I’m guessing not very…

Tom Venuto (a drug-free bodybuilder) has some good thought on diet and nutrition. The first is to think of food as fuel. Our bodies run on food like a car runs on gasoline. If you put bad gas in a car, it doesn’t work as well (or at all). Try to eat for maximum nutrients and energy.

A simple guideline is to choose foods as close to the way they are found in nature as much as possible. Using that guideline, an apple is great, because it’s just like it comes off the tree. Apple sauce is a little lower on the scale, and apple pie lower still.

Try paying attention to how you feel after eating. If you feel good and alert, then you’re on the right track. If you feel sluggish, then you probably ate something you shouldn’t have.

Get off Your Butt

I don’t know who said it, but raising your heart rate is one of the best sources of emotional renewal (if you know, please mention it in the comments).

That means if you’re feeling down, moving around is a much better option than trying to medicate with comfort food or drugs.

A girl stood me up for a date recently, and I was disappointed because I was really looking forward to it. After I went outside for a swim, I felt a lot better. Sunshine, fresh air and moving around does wonders!

This doesn’t have to be anything extreme like a ten mile run or lifting weights for two hours. Simply consciously moving your body should do the trick. Go for a walk, or do some body weight squats or pushups for example.

Create Space in Your Day (aka Margin or “ponder time”)

Humans have limits. It’s not popular to admit that, but it’s true. The consequences of ignoring that are stress and burnout. You also miss out on opportunities that just come along – like the cute girl at Starbucks in the morning on your way to work…

Step 1) Give yourself more time to get where your going. I use 20% as a guideline. So if you think it will take an hour to get somewhere, give yourself an hour and 12 minutes. A lot of the stress caused by driving and commuting comes from not giving yourself enough time. Arriving at work stressed out is bad enough, but starting a date by apologizing for being late kind of sets a bad tone. It’s better to get there early and be relaxed and confident.

The extra time also let’s you approach the cute girl at the coffee shop on your way to work. I can’t tell you how many of those opportunities I’ve passed up because I was already running late…

Step 2) Don’t work so much. Brad P wrote a post in the Month 1 Section of the 30/30 Forum titled “Do you work too much?” The main point was that spending too much time working makes it difficult to create a lifestyle that is personally rewarding and attractive to women. He recommends 30 hours as a good amount of time to pay your bills and still work on your identity and game.

If you need more than 40 hours per week to do your job, then you’re probably doing something wrong. At least that was the case for me. I worked long hours and looked really busy, but, honestly, I wasted a lot of time on constantly switching tasks, compulsive web browsing and checking email.

Part of the problem is not having a compelling reason to stop working. If you’ve done some work on your identity and have some exciting things going on, then you’ll be more motivated to stop working and get to them. If you’re only going home to watch TV, then what’s the point of being efficient at work?

There are some good books on time management (like Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity for example), but I think a better option is just eliminating the distractions and trying not to do so much everyday.

Figure out what is important, do it, and then go home. And now that you are spending all your time working, you have time to

Play!

Playing and having fun is important for two reasons: it massively improves the quality of your life, and it makes you more attractive to women.

If someone asks what you do for fun, and you can’t think of anything (other than video games), then you have a problem.

The 30/30 Month One exercises are great for addressing this category. What are you dreams? What hobbies would you like to pursue? What can you do right now to start working on those?

Closing Thoughts

As I read this post, it occurred to me that none of this is rocket science – we’re all meant to function this way.

For some reason though, it’s really easy to get off track, so if you find yourself struggling with something more than you should be, take a minute to ask yourself if your being a good animal. If the answer is “no,” then fix that first.

Here are the two best ways to become (or stay) socially retarded:

1. Play World of Warcraft
2. Sign up for Netflix

How World of Warcraft makes you socially retarded

According to Brad P, World of Warcraft is the absolute best way to torpedo your social skills and make sure you don’t get laid.

I’d actually expand this to include all compulsive video game behavior. For example, my ex-wife’s brother is without a doubt the most talented gamer I have ever seen or heard of. Every waking moment he’s either playing or reading or talking about video games.

In his 30 something years on this planet, he has yet to have one date – much less a girlfriend.

So, what’s wrong with video games?

• It makes you less interesting to women while simultaneously taking up time you could use to make yourself and your life more attractive
• It tends to be a solitary and isolated activity (virtual friends who you’ve never met in person who you team up with to help each other level up doesn’t count)
• The social part of your brain atrophies (I don’t have any scientific evidence to back that up, but it certainly feels that way to me when I relapse)

So instead of spending hours playing Guitar Hero, pick up a real guitar and learn to play. Or, as Dale P (one of Brad’s coaches suggested) go out into the real world and try to level yourself up instead.

How Netflix makes you socially retarded

Netflix is actually what inspired me to write this post. Last weekend, I watched about one and half seasons of 24 streaming on Netflix. I wasn’t planning on using myself for a social experiment; it just kind of sucked me in (which is a big part of the danger).

Instead of making progress on my goals, working out, cleaning so my place would be appealing to women, washing veggies so I’d have healthy food to eat, etc. I just sat in a chair most of the weekend and ate whatever was convenient. When I did go out briefly my brain was in a fog, so even if I had seen anyone I wanted to approach, the mental wheels were turning so slowly, it wouldn’t have done me much good anyway.

Why do I consider Netflix so dangerous?

For starters, television is designed to hypnotize you and put you a passive, trance like state to make you more receptive to commercials. While Netflix doesn’t have the commercials, it does have a “play next episode” button, and like a slot machine, when you’re in that trance it’s just too easy to play one more time. Next thing you know, the whole day is gone and you’re feeling so lethargic that you don’t want to do anything in the evening.

Next, most of the shows on TV suck. I haven’t paid for cable for years, and I don’t miss it at all. When I had it, there were only three shows I watched anyway, so it wasn’t a hard decision to cancel it.

Netflix on the other hand has a ridiculous amount of TV shows and movies available to watch instantly, so it’s easy to find hours and hours of entertainment anytime you feel like escaping.

So if you have a choice between getting dressed and going out to approach women or ordering a pizza and watching something on Netflix, which would you choose?

If you are naturally introverted, scared of cold approaches and don’t have a realistic expectation of getting immediate results, it’s a no brainer – Netflix wins.

If you’ve been working on your skill set awhile, have a consistent game and a realistic chance of getting laid any time you go out and approach enough women (which means at least 10 according to BradP’s “ten timer” method), then Netflix might not look so attractive.

So, while I’d really like to finish 24 Season 2, I hit the cancel button anyway, and I’d encourage you to do the same.

Return from How To Be Socially Retarded to How to Get Girls Today

“Now I’m not gonna make a lot of elaborate claims for [the Brad P Underground Dating Seminar]. Sure it’ll change your whole life for the better, but that’s all.”

-Bicycle Salesman in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Seriously though, there is only one reason you would want this program: you aren’t happy with the results you are currently getting with women and are ready to take massive action to change that. If you have an abundance of women in your life, or if you aren’t willing to do some work in this, then the Underground Dating Seminar isn’t for you.

1. Listen to Seminars 1 – 3
2. Start working on your identity, fashion and body language
3. Choose one or two opening scripts, a couple attract routines and start practicing in the real world.

Move on one seminar at a time after approaching women for at least a month, implementing the things you are learning as you go.

It can be tempting to listen to the whole thing before going out, but there are a few problems with doing that. The biggest is that learning is most effective when you implement new ideas quickly. Brad recommends two hours in the field for every one hour you spend studying (he calls this “the golden ratio”).

Another important reason is that you won’t be able to apply the advanced concepts later in the program if you haven’t already mastered the basics.

Brad really emphasizes the importance of having and pursing your dreams.

1. It makes you A LOT more attractive to women
2. It really improves the quality of your life

What are my dreams?

Right now, I only have one dream: To join a band within one year.

To pursue that dream, I’m first learning how to play by ear and create my own piano cover versions of songs I like in a variety of different styles (folk, pop, rock, country, blues, etc.). I have a good foundation in music theory with my classical background, but no one wants to hear Chopin in a bar…

Second I’m taking online guitar lessons to build some basic, functional guitar skills. This should help me figure out songs I want to play and eventually fit into a band better. It’s my understanding that keyboards often either support or double other instruments, and that should be easier if I understand what they are doing.

We’re supposed to come up with three to five dreams to start working on, but I’m feeling burned out from working too much and the emotional strain of going through a divorce. I’ll revisit this exercise in a few months.

In the meantime, I set a few short term goals to restore basic health and correct some imbalances:

1. Loose fat: get to 12% bodyfat in three months (I’d estimate I’m probably close to 19 – 20% right now)
2. Reduce my working hours to 30/week (I’m at about twice that now, but honestly…I’ve picked up some compulsive internet habits and probably waste a lot of time).

The process of loosing the fat will increase my energy levels, improve my self image and make my clothes fit better. I’m also considering trying out yoga again, and a lot of the poses will work better if I don’t have a gut.

Working 30 hours/week was the max Brad P suggested in his “Do you work too much?” post, so that’s how I came up with that number. It’s hard to create an interesting life and have time to approach, follow up and go on dates with women if you’re working all the time.

I was both surprised and relieved to find out about the Brad P Secrets of Inner Game audio program.

Surprised because I had the impression that Brad P was against purely inner game work (aka “mental masturbation”). It’s one of those insidious tasks that can give you the impression of doing real work, without getting you any closer to actual results – kind of like a sales person who sorts his business cards rather than picking up the phone and calling prospects.

I was relieved because I have some serious confidence issues when it comes to women and dating. People and self-help books telling me that I’m a great guy and that I should just be myself have been pretty much useless. They cater to people where they are rather than encouraging them to grow.

How to Use Secrets of Inner Game

1. Set aside a block of time to listen to the entire presentation and take some notes
2. Choose the one area that is holding you back the most, listen to that section again and develop a strategy to get it handled
3. Stay in the field – none of these problems can be solved in a vaccuum

1. Listen to the entire program: Why not just skip the section that seems most important? Because you might not even be aware of the biggest thing holding you back. In my case, I would have guessed that overcoming the Nice Guy Syndrome was my top priority, but it is actually increasing my Capacity to Grow and Learn (an area I previously considered a strength).

2. Choose one issue and work on it until you get it handled: You definitely want to think serial tasking rather than multi tasking here. Work on one thing at a time, and then move onto the next. You don’t need to get everything done at once, and trying to is a recipe for failure.

3. Stay in the field: No where in this program does Brad recommend taking time off to work on your inner game. In fact, if you choose to do that, there’s a good chance you’ll never go back.

Also, staying in and spending a lot of time thinking about what’s wrong with you is depressing… I tried that, and it doesn’t work.

The main focus of the first month in Brad P’s 30/30 club is developing an identity that is attractive to women.

Brad P describes the 30/30 club as an “identity based system.” This is because have a sexy lifestyle and genuinely being a cool, attractive guy will make everything else a hell of a lot easier.

It also gives women an excuse to have sex with you quickly. Women are worried about looking like a slut to there friends, but if you are a genuinely cool and exciting guy, having sex with you might be something they kind of brag about.

On one level, it’s really pretty simple process:

1. Sit down and really figure out where you are right now and who you are as a person
2. Get some dreams
3. Start pursuing your dreams

Who am I?

I chose to approach this assignment by looking at the three major areas of anyone’s life: Relationship, Health and Money. I actually wrote this out essay style for the forum, but I’ll just give bullet points here.

Relationships:

• Recently divorced
• Had a few girlfriends before getting married, but my wife was the only woman I slept with
• Women generally like me as a friend.
• I usually want the friendship to have a physical component too, but I’m afraid of making a move because I might loose them as a friend.
• I never really approached women before 30/30, and after being married for seven years, don’t have much of a social circle to start from.
• Conservative Baptist upbringing = a lot of hangups about sex outside of marriage
• After being married once, I don’t want to do it again, but I also don’t want to go the rest of my life without sex. When you combine this with a lifetime of hearing that sex outside of marriage is wrong, it definitely creates some internal friction

Health:

• I don’t get enough sleep (go to bed too late, get up too early)
• I don’t excercise
• My diet is terrible

Other than that, I’m in great shape!

I have a strong background in health and fitness, so this is one area that I should be able to operate at an elite level. I’m a former wrestler, earned a black belt, ran track, and have done a lot of studying and experimenting with diet and natural health over the years (including two vegetarian experiments).

The knowledge is there – I just need to be consistent in implementing what I already know.

Money:

• Self employed professional
• I’ve held leadership positions
• I’m good at what I do and in demand for it
• I work too much (ok…I confess…I’m kind of a work-a-holic)

Finding balance is going to be key in this area. Brad has a sticky posted in the Month One forum titled “Do you work too much?” that seems to have been written for me.

I recognize that using money and career/job title as a means of attraction is problematic. Like Brad says in one of the Underground dating seminar CD’s: “Telling women you’re an investment banker doesn’t make them horny…it makes them want to go shopping.”

After being a financial support system for one woman, I’m not ready to sign up for that again.

Parts of My Identity That Are Attractive to Women

In order of attractiveness:

1. Music: I’ve played the piano for years
2. Sense of humor: I have a dry and subtle sense of humor
3. Athletic: This has been an asset in the past, and I’d like to get it back
4. Intelligent: Not in a know-it-all way, but rather in a way that I think makes women feel safe. This is probably more of an asset when it comes to retention.
5. Accomplished: I have useful, real world experience, education, certification, ability to support myself ,etc. Again, this is probably more important for retention. I’ll also have to be careful about husband chasers. I’ve chatted with a few unhappy married women on Facebook, and there’s a little voice in the back of my head that warns they are sizing me up as a support system for them and the kids once they ditch their husbands – not where I want to be.

I’ll cover dreams in Part 02.

Return to Get Girls Today

Month one of the 30/30 Club starts out with the following materials:

• Introduction
• Workbook
• Underground Dating Seminar disks one through three.

The introduction audio introduces BradP and Drew (who handles customer service) and gives a brief overview of what to expect in the following 12 months.

The Workbook contains the assignments for each month and a description of what you’ll learn. After looking it over, I’m pretty excited about what’s ahead. I’m a little nervous too, since going from approaching no women at all to 30 per month seems like a big step.

Fortunately, the first three disks of the Underground Dating Seminar cover approaching, conversation, following up by phone and text and going on dates. Brad P also talks about fashion and identity.

There is no approach requirement this month though. This is the one “learning only” month in the program, and the main focus is on shaping your identity into something that will attract women.